Day 8

Am in top secret air facility. Felt that effect ruined by big stonkin' sign saying "TOP SECRET AIR FACILITY'.

Pointed this out to the leftenant who was guiding us in. He winked and said, 'It's a grand deception what, they will think that this is a dee-vers-eon, because what sort of daft fool would actually post THAT up."

Then pointed out the italics beneath the Top Secret Air Facility bit, which said (really, we mean it!) and Off to I--- we go!

He became all moody and sulky then.

Learned that target is not top secret. In fact, has not been top secret for an year now. Was called daft bugger by mates, am v. pissy. Thought we going to do all special forces. Camo paint now useless. Double v. pissy.

Day 7

V. good news: Going to war! Finally! Stayed so long here am bored. What's the use of training (and a good ass) if you don't go to war?

Dunno where we're going, some place called Ikal or Ibab...something with an 'I', lots of it on news but don't have time for such silly things. Polishing guns and admiring muscly self in mirror are important matters that take much time.

In other news, Corporal Fred is coming too. Am quite convinced that he is a faggot. Might just be my imagination.

Day 6

Talked to Corporal Fred. About my butt. About my firm, juicy, tender, oh so utterly squeezable butt (Corporal Fred's words). Wondered what fuss was all about, thought army supposed to get you into shape. Let him squeeze, but he tried to make other grabbing motions and stopped him. Do not go down that path of the pike, I told him. Very disgruntled, he was.

Not sure, but think heard him mutter "we'll see about that."

Must've been my imagination.

Day 5

Yes, Corporal Fred DEFINITELY staring at me. Actually, my butt.

Honestly, if he wants to know how it's so firm, he could just ask. Would let him touch. It's such a nice ass. No need to be all starey about it.

Will confront him about it tomorrow.

Day 4

Is it me, or is Corporal Fred staring at me rather oddly?

Day 3

I'm not talking to you.

Nyah nyah.

Day 2

Talk to me, dammit! thought you were supposed to be best friend!

Stupid, stupid diary.

Day 1

Got diary today.

Corporal Fred bought it for me. Said something about it being 'very theurapeutic and relaxing, like having a best friend.'

Corporal Fred an odd fellow.

Am suspicious. Diary v. girly.

Ah well. Is inspection time. Got to polish rifle, hopefully will v. impress captain.